Pre-Install Blues

I'm banned. From the computer. For five days a week.

I. Can only use. The computer. For 2 days a week.

And in case you're thinking, hey that ain't so bad. That's 24 hours there. All I can say is, I wish.

I'm actually starting to write to-do lists before I come online, to maximise the very little quality time I have with pc dearest. I sound so desperate.

Installation's this Saturday, and I'm feeling a little blue. As much as I want to let the new BOD take over, I feel sad that my time is up. I can't let go. I really loved being the IU Director. It gave me a sense of purpose, to organise the IU Day, to try to exceed previous IU Days, to fill me up. When IU Day was over, I felt empty. Relaxed, but empty. And now that it's time to step down, I feel even emptier.

During the interview with Carol's BOD when I was running for the posts of IU Director and Community Service Director, they asked me a lot of difficult questions.

Which post would you prefer?
I was full of doubts on whether I could really handle the job of an IU Director. I'm okay with both. If I don't get IU, then I'm happy with Comm. And vice versa.

Which would you put first: Scouts or Interact?
Scouts. I was really convinced that Scouts was first, since it was the first thing I joined in Form One.

How wrong was I. When I got the IU Dir post, priorities changed. IU was FIRST. IU was second to NONE, not even studies, sleep, homework, scouts, English Language Society, etc. So began my slipping away from scouts, and I confess, my half-heartedness in running the ELS. And I was seriously very irritated with Quek's persistence in the same shit question Carol asked me: Scouts or Interact first?

I really wanted to just slap him and say, None. IU first.

And now with this upcoming Installation, the thing that I've been breathing will be taken from me. My heart is heavy, but I know it is the way to do things.

When Hon Zhen asked me, "Are you ready for install?" I couldn't say anything. I know I'm not ready. I still can't let go yet. I'm not thrilled of being relieved of another burden. I feel like Ahmadinejad and Mugabe (or Samy Vellu), I just can't seem to let go.

I just hope Joshua will enjoy himself as much as I did, and wish him all the best. When I hand over the blue IU book that has been my companion in organising the IU Day, I know it's really over. The end. Game over. Go and study.

Yours sincerely,
Soon-to-be Ex-IU Director